No, it’s Collis, not Cowell. Please, you’ve got me mistaken for another Simon. Please, please no. Help me, save me from the oowwwllllsssss…… No! Aarrrgggghhhhh!!!!!!

Years ago I used to read lots of comics online, especially one of the earliest – Doctor Fun, which sadly stopped publishing in 2006.  You’ll need to be a bit of a science buff to get most of the jokes, but Records Your Neighbours Listen To or When Cats Try To Cook (which I used as my desktop wallpaper for a couple of years) bear comparison with The Far Side. (more…)

Rainbow!

Well, I was sorting out my bookmarks the other day and came across a folder of things I meant to look at from the balloon race, so I thought I’d share them with you. I’ve put them into alphabetical order by sort-of-subject… you’ll get the idea (I hope).

Art, Design & Photography

• Chris Charles – photos I can imagine hanging on my walls…
• Hexapus Doodle Book – blog of cartoons, some touching, some arty, some a bit creepy!
• Jan Peter Thompson – student designer with some interesting projects.
• Munkeybars – designer Patrick Barba’s portfolio.
• Phase Six creative – Canadian design consultancy.
• Richard Wild, photographer – very interesting arty photographs that kind of remind me of Helmut Newton at times.

Computing

• 8 bit hero – gaming, 80s style.
• 48k awards – oldskool celebrity pixel art.

Environment and living

• Green upgrader – an excellent blog about living a more eco-friendly lifestyle.

Games

• Reverse Breakout – it will melted your brains…

Humour

• Coin Stack Challenge – well, it made me laugh.
• Survive animal attack – cute cartoons with an educational message. Well worth ten minutes of your time.
• Top Ten Literal Album Covers – why? Just why? Did nobody have any better ideas? A great site celebrating the record biz’s lack of imagination…
• Top Fourteen Oddest Celebrity Childrens’ Books – and boy are some of these odd!!!
• Your parents are lying to you – top “facts” parents tell children that are as fake as a nine-bob note…

Management

• Synyx – leadership and management development.

Shopping

• Cheap Bargains.org – does just what it says on the tin.
• Sell Student Books – second-hand textbooks for sale. What a great idea!

Travel

• Scuba Diving in Egypt – been to Sharm-el-Sheikh, can recommend it, and this looks a great site for info if you’ve never been.

Web

• Dave Keen – developer for hire, with a nicely designed site.
• Internet Alphabet – nice A-Z of web sites. Worth printing and pinning on the wall!
• Simple Content – a nice looking site promoting their CMS product.

I’ve got more but I got bored. Maybe next time

Just thought I’d share with you some of the weirder subject lines I’ve got in spam lately, some of which are quite amusing.

For example, apparently “McCain unsure whether Obama a secret hippopotamus“. Yes, you heard it here first folks: John McCain not sure whether Obama is actually a large African behemoth (the Victorian name for the hippo, donchaknow?) in disguise. The tagline in the message was “UFOs sighted over UK“, which either speaks reams about the sender’s state of mind, or their opinion of mine. I didn’t click – I don’t want to buy any Viagra or fake Rolexes (I have a real Philippe Mercier, thank you, which has sentimental value far above its monetary one.)

Apparently a shocking video shows “Spongebob and Gay Sex“, which is at least more inventive than the hundreds of “Angeline Jolie nude movie” variations going round, and even slightly more believable than all these UPS tracking numbers I keep getting sent… or the “Important Message from Abbey National %CURRENTDATE“. Wow, that Mr %CURRENTDATE must be having a hard time with those bank charges, eh? Still, distinctive name – must make tracing the family tree easier.

I was interested to note the headline “Ronald Reagan chief suspect in bank robbery“. My, he gets about a bit, especially for someone who died several years ago. Perhaps it’s not the same one, just someone with a similar name. Still, it was less disturbing than the headline “Bush ‘Troubled’ by Gay Marriages. Declares San Francisco Part of ‘Axis of Evil’“, or “White Male Workers Banned in Britain” (I’d have heard by now, surely…) Still, nice to see the war on terror keeps expanding…

And in celebrity news: “Tiger Woods Will Call Next Son Monkey” (in honour of the Chinese Olympics?), “Paris Hilton Initially Denies Having Inverted Nipples“, “Osama Sighting Confirmed In NYV“, and “Mick Jagger To Make Big Screen Debut” (hint to spammers: IMDB is your friend).

Oh, here’s some good advice: “Say goodbye to your diseases!“. Righty ho then, “goodbye diseases”. Nope, still got ‘em.

What’s this? Alistair says “Let me show you my tits“… no, can see three out the window, hopping about in the garden thanks. Lovely little birdies they are too. Oh look – one just caught a worm. How sweet. I assume you meant birdies, Alistair? (Or would you like a book of names for Christmas?)

“July 80% OFF“: so I can have a whole month for only 6.2 days? Where do I sign up?

And finally, on a sad note: “Flat Earth Society Disbanded“. Apparently, “Germans have landed on the moon as early as 1942 and have made contact with half a dozen alien races“, which explains everything, of course.

Really, you couldn’t make this stuff up. Well, actually, you can, of course. Because whichever numpties sent me this trying to sell me Viagra, fake Rolexes or membership to frankly dodgy websites thought I’d do no more than have a good laugh. Had any good ones yourself? Post a comment and we’ll all have a laugh